Pardon, bet net sunku suprasti, ką tokiais vaizdais norima parodyti - iš tokios video tikrai nieko motyvuojančio nesigauna, nes tekstas su vaizdu pjautųsi (vyrauja niūri nuotaika).
O kažkas grynai neigiamo irgi neatrodo išeitis.
Kažkaip pamaniau, kad seniai seniai parašiau kažką, ką būtų galima susieti su video. Paskaityk. Aišku, čia dalį teksto reikėtų atrinkti ir paredaguoti. Jei įdomi mano nuomonė ar nuspręstum kažką panaudoti, atsiųsk žinutę su nuoroda.
I felt nothing.
Call it dull but people love it. They love having hatred towards someone they do or do not know. They love hating Mondays. They love waking up and thinking they will not survive this difficult morning. This difficult morning is no different compared to all mornings you deal with. You get up, maybe prepare some coffee and lit up a cigarette. And then you handle your day as you are supposed to. No magic in there. Just men have dreams which they are not certain about pursuing.
Today is a different day, you know? Today it is all about me. I see no one cross my doorstep and I feel so damn happy. Truly happy. I have never been truly happy before. Happiness like this could compare to the moment you open a box something new you got. Just it lasts longer.
My all social networks are closed and my eyes are locked into the view of the street. I see plain, just little further – woods, big millhouse where some acquaintances work their sweat off and I can do nothing else but smile. I do not have to be as them, I kept telling myself my whole life. It reminded me of my childhood when back in the days we used to speak about our life as grown-ups.
‘Where do you wanna work when you finish school?’ I was asked.
‘I do not know. I will end up a grave digger’, I used to joke.
Today is a different day, right? Today I am in no rush. Today I keep my own pace. Today is my day off. Nothing like you would expect. If you want to understand you have to dig into my childhood nightmares.
Back in the days when I was younger I had this one nightmare. The thing is when I got it sometime I were not fully asleep. You know that feeling when after exhausting day you tear your clothes off and hop under the blanket? You can see all the stars getting closer. At that one moment you would dare to say that there really is a nice place in this land of snakes and fake faces. That is the moment I am scared the most.
I drink coffee so I would dream fast but from time to time I get this dream chasing me like the flame of the candle I am carrying with me. Usually scenario of my dream does not exist. Even though I am not fully asleep and I feel everything around me, I see things in my head, I make step forward but right foot never touches the ground. My heartbeat raises but that is not the thing that scares me. What scares me is the fact of this nightmare coming back for me. Under different circumstances, at different time but in the same bed.
I end up digging my own grave every night and I get all the ground dropped on me back so I could have my eyes wide open to see the cigarette at the moment you inhale smoke. With open eyes I see the sunset and I see those who will always or will never walk the same street again.
It is a bliss when you understand the reason of your ignorance.
Please, do not be with me and do not wait when abyss decides to keep me.